Mending Wings: Survivors of Sexual Abuse

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 Learn to Love Yourself

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Female Posts : 8
Join date : 2011-03-26
Location : United States

Learn to Love Yourself Empty
PostSubject: Learn to Love Yourself   Learn to Love Yourself Icon_minitimeWed Mar 30, 2011 12:08 pm

Learn to love and accept yourself. This is extremely important to do, especially as a survivor of sexual abuse, or any other kinds of abuse. Many victims/survivors somehow feel that they aren't worthy of love, and have no worth as a person, and/or they may put everyone elses' feelings and needs before their own all the time. . .sacrificing way too much of themselves. Even when the victim/survivor really doesn't want to do something that someone else wants to do, or has other plans, opinions, etc., it isn't uncommon for them to bend to the other person's wants, etc. . .becoming people-pleasers. Sure, other people become people-pleasers for other reasons, but I've read in a workbook that I'm following (I'll post the title and author in another post later. . .I really recommend it!) that this can also be an effect of sexual abuse as well.

Why do we feel that we aren't worthy of love? Why can't we accept or love ourselves? Why do we sacrifice so much of ourselves and give in to others so much. . .a level that is unhealthy? Not all of us are this way, but for those who are, such as myself. . .why? What did we do wrong, and what made us feel that we aren't important, and don't matter? I wish I knew the answers. . .I'm still discovering them myself. I'm still doing a lot of reflection to try to find answers, and as I find the answers that seem to apply to myself, I'll post them for others to read. Maybe they'll help you as well Smile

But, whatever the answers may be, I have been working hard the last few months to finally learn how to love and accept myself. I'm finally recognizing that I DO have worth, I DO matter, and while it's good to want to help others. . .it's not good to sacrifice so much of myself to the point there's nothing left of me. There's nothing wrong with saying "no", or not agreeing. There's nothing wrong with standing up for yourself. Why do we feel that everyone else is inherently correct, and we aren't? I feel that, at least for myself, my way of thinking is what has held me back, partly. That, and I'm extremely shy until I REALLY get to know a person. I want to make others happy, but at the same time, I now know that I matter too. My feelings matter. My opinions matter. My life matters. I do not have to bend and cater to everyone elses' needs, feelings, etc. I do not have to tolerate someone treating me badly. . .whether it be a pattern of disrespect, any type of abuse, etc. At least by allowing myself to go easier on myself, and seeing myself as an EQUAL to others, not inferior to them, I feel a lot of weight has been lifted from my shoulders. While I still have stress and anger, etc. in me. . .I feel significantly better than before. I don't feel overwhelmed or insignificant anymore. I had to make myself matter to myself. Definitely, learning to love myself and accept myself (still in the process of doing) is/was difficult and I had my setbacks, but it's well worth it. I feel that there is a brighter side ahead! It's not a selfish thing to do. . .it's necessary in order to really love others, etc. Loving and accepting yourself also means learning to respect yourself, and if you're always sacrificing your needs, opinions, etc. for others. . .you aren't respecting yourself.

Again, it's VERY difficult to do. . .and I'm still learning, but I like the direction I'm going now. Saying "no" gets easier as you do it more, etc. . .just take the first steps, and keep doing them. I'll write more about this as time goes on, because I can't say that I'm at the point yet where I've mastered this, by a long shot. I'm a work in progress, but, the key word is "progress". Believe in yourself, and know that you have worth, and you deserve to be loved and accepted, especially and foremost, by yourself. Sexual abuse has not made you ugly, worthless, bad, or anything else. That's what it made your ABUSER(S). . .but certainly NOT you.
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